Новости за 09.10.2015

Hello loyal Shade Court readers, I have some news that you probably will not like, but I believe will make us all stronger in the long run. I, Judge Brown, she who presides nobly over the high court of Shade, am retiring. This will be my last Shade Court post for the foreseeable future. Anything can change—perhaps there will be such gross abuses of shade that I’ll be forced to come out of retirement—but for now, this is it.

Some hard truths: Jennifer Lawrence’s fall at the Oscars (1st time) was fake, and Stephenie Meyer’s new gender-swapped version of Twilight is a bullshit waste of paper and you’d be better off just wiping your ass with the $15 she wants for this awful “reimagining.”

I’ve been loving Becky G’s run on Empire as Valentina Galindo, the lead singer of hilariously-named trio “Mirage A Trois” who’s been using her wiles on Hakeem to ramp up her stature. (She says she’s not, but we know the drill.) In part because Becky from the Block is all of 18 now, and it’s nice to see her taking on more complex outlets and expanding her persona which, up til recently, has been pretty squeaky clean.

Kelsey Grammer, former Frasier and current bore, was recently photographed by his fourth wife while wearing a shirt distributed by Abort73, a self-proclaimed “educational website that is working to protect children from abortion.” The shirt features a handgun beside text that reads “WOULD IT BOTHER US MORE IF THEY USED GUNS?”

Approaching women they don’t know can be hard for men, or at least I assume this, because they whine about it a lot. But apparently it’s not nearly as difficult as figuring out when to leave a total stranger the hell alone.

The Indian government has demanded that Riyadh, the capital city of Saudi Arabia, order an independent investigation after a Saudi employer allegedly chopped off the arm of their maid for reporting abuse. India wants the employer to be charged with attempted murder.

We may disagree with Rep. Mia Love on abortion rights, equal pay, and appropriate uses of taxpayer money, but we can all strongly concur that flinging one’s heels off and reveling in the freedom of unimprisoned arches feels fucking fantastic.

Can pizza rat just live?

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Skin is very important. Sure, it’s the largest organ in your body, but I’m talking about important stuff right now—achieving perfect skin with the help of beauty products.

The wild enthusiasm for Jane Austen remixes has died down somewhat over the last couple of years, and yet the movie adaptation of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies continues to chug along. In fact, here is your first teaser trailer.

Julia Cordray, one of the founders of Peeple, the ill-fated “Yelp for people” app that would allow human beings to leave negative reviews for other human beings, is unfortunately and hilariously very bad at taking criticism herself.

Hollywood has a few failure modes when it tries to adapt classic fairytales and fantasy stories for the umpteenth time. And one of the main ones is, “Let’s tell the origin story that’s never been told before.” Pan is the latest fantasy prequel to show why this is a bad idea.

With around 45% of your votes , it’s clear that Hue tights are the brand to stock up on as it finally gets cold. You praised Hue tights for their durability, versatility, color and pattern spectrum, fit, and value. [Amazon/Hue]

What The Fuck Is This? is a new column examining terrifying medical instruments throughout history.

Superglue can be a godsend. Aside from putting a broken vase back together, people have used it to seal up minor cuts and temporarily fix cracked fingernails. For Katherine Gaydos, super glue became her worst nightmare when one of her eyes was accidentally glued shut with the liquid adhesive.

Alec Baldwin is the ultimate lurker when it comes to his daughter Ireland. The 19-year-old posted a screenshot of a text from her father where he links to an Entertainment Tonight item speculating about Ireland and filmmaker Tao Ruspoli. Baldwin then jokingly (?) interrogates his daughter, asking if she’s now going to get married and if Baldwin is going to be a grandfather. How embarrassing! But not too embarrassing, since Ireland posted it for the world to see.

Now you can get hand-poured, organic soy candles at the same place you lazily order toilet paper with two-day shipping and marathon episodes of Transparent. Online retail giant Amazon is entering the world of indie goods with a new subdivision called Handmade.

The first thing I thought when I saw this news was, “MALIKA NO!!!” Because in my mind—the place where I store lengthy, imagined narratives about celebrities that I like to believe are entirely accurate—the Haqq sisters are Khloé’s last remaining connection to the normal world. They’re not around to make headlines, they’re there to be good, normal people who happen to be Khloé’s best friends.

Grey’s Anatomy keeps trucking away, Olivia goes rogue on Scandal and I now realize that we’re not going to know who shot Annalise for quite some time on How to Get Away With Murder. Let’s see how Shonda raises our collective blood pressure tonight.

In today’s Tweet Beat, people maybe like Taylor Swift’s cats more than her, Jon Cryer shares a truly amazing throwback and Mindy Kaling maybe has a new boo.

On Thursday, a court ruled that the sequence of 26 poses and breathing exercises that makes up Bikram Yoga is ineligible for copyright for the same reason a life-saving surgery is: it’s designed to make people healthier, and only a monster would want a monopoly on saving lives.

Beyoncé’s ever-persistent dad and ex-manager Mathew Knowles is holding a workshop for aspiring entertainers who want to learn everything he knows about the making of a superstar. Mathew does know a thing or three (I’m talking about Destiny’s Child) about this particular pursuit.

On the heels of Ryan Murphy’s American Horror Story: Hotel debut on Wednesday, two new trailers for another one of his shows, American Crime Story: The People vs. O.J. Simpson, have surfaced. For the record, there are a lot… fewer wigs in these trailers than we’d hoped for?

Hello and welcome to the Nightmare Theater Hour, brought to you by Dr. Faker’s Patent Insomnia Syrup. Today’s installment is a spooky one: A woman found herself trapped in a cemetery when a headstone fell and pinned her.

Diane Keaton has just unveiled a new wine called The Keaton, which is affordable, comes with a twist-off cap, and is meant to be served on ice. “It’s not fancy, but neither am I,” she told People. This is a dream come true.