Новости за 01.09.2015

Do you see this pig? The one photographed above, biting her pen like it’s a throbbing, 1-2 inch long piece of felt? This, my friends, is Denise, and it’s recently come to my attention that she’s the homewrecking hog America’s beloved Kermit the Frog left America’s more beloved Miss Piggy for. And I would like to know the fuck she thinks she is.

Everybody loves role-playing games (unless you’re irrationally worried about Satan .) Escaping into a fantasy world, surrounded by like-minded nerds, is just the best thing ever. Except when it isn’t, because someone is deciding to be a total Gelatinous Cube. Here are some of your worst RPG horror stories.

Pope Francis has empowered priests to “absolve the sin of abortion” during the upcoming Mercy Year, which is set to begin on December 8. The move further cements the pope’s reputation as a chill dude.

Port-a-potties are a nasty fact of civilized life—must we make them worse? A woman at the Newlyn Fish Festival in Cornwall (“The best and biggest celebration of the sea, seafood and fishing in the UK”) was minding her own damn business in a portable toilet when she found herself lifted up into the air and transported to the other end of the festival.

Tuesday afternoon, J.K. Rowling tweeted some huge news about some of her beloved characters from the Harry Potter universe. “Have just heard that James S Potter has been Sorted (to nobody’s surprise) into Gryffindor. Teddy Lupin (Head Boy, Hufflepuff) disappointed,” she wrote to her 5.32M followers.

Welcome back to our review of subscription beauty boxes. Which ones are worth it? Which ones are full of junk? Reader Brandi Morgan Kirchgessner guides us through this world of mystery treats. Here’s what she’s received recently.

Interview, the pretty magazine in which pretty famous people have conversations with other pretty famous people, has released their newest issue, and it’s all about #ME. Well, not me me, but celebrities me. So, them. It’s about them. The September issue features eight “alternative covers that are essentially self portraits of some of today’s most popular social media celebs,” from Madonna to Zayn Malik. Collectively, they form the magazine’s #Instagang.

Chris Christie—unrequited lover of Bruce Springsteen, Governor of New Jersey, and Republican presidential candidate—has a hungry heart. Ignored during his party’s first presidential debate, he was deprived of the opportunity to tell us his dreams and aspirations. But he won’t be silenced again, oh no. Next time this bad boy is “[going] nuclear” if he’s not given his due attention.

Last week, federal agents arrested the founder and five staffers of male escort site Rentboy.com. Two days later, GQ published “The Real Life of a Sugar Daddy,” a feature on SeekingArrangement.com’s buyers and sellers of sex. Here, Charlotte Shane, who’s been a sex worker for 11 years and a writer under this name for five, weighs in on the public allocation of stigma when it comes to sex work—where it lands, and why.

Last year, the U.K. launched a new, national sperm bank—but only nine dudes are making deposits.

Ah, the folly of youth. Who among us did not, at some point, break curfew, hit third base in the school bathroom, or get arrested for impersonating a police officer while pulling over a car that turned out to contain an actual cop?

On Monday, August 31, the Los Angeles Police Department assigned body cameras to its first patrol division. As the second largest city in the United States, this new policy is a significant, if insufficient, move towards the prevention of excessive police force and racial profiling.

ModCloth, the spunky, vintage-inspired retailer for Zooey Deschanel devotees, has until recently only been accessible online. But the July opening of their first brick-and-mortar store in San Francisco signaled the company’s plans for expansion: more physical stores, athletic wear, even a bridal collection.

Yes, he has a name: Nicholas Hoult. But how many of us learned about him via the persistent stream of Jennifer Lawrence media coverage? In any case, Gothamist reports that Hoult has been cast as Catcher in the Rye author J.D. Salinger in the upcoming—and oh so cleverly named—biopic, Rebel in the Rye.

Last night at the MTV VMAs, Taylor Swift and Kanye West came full circle—not because they finally and publicly made amends after the 2009 VMAs incident when Kanye interrupted Taylor’s acceptance speech, but because Kanye, once again, got Taylor mad.

In today’s Tweet Beat, Iggy has unsurprisingly been left out of the loop, Gigi Hadid is dressed like one of her mom’s lemons and UGH I hate agreeing with Lena Dunham.

Hillary Clinton has been dealing with a months-long migraine atop her many other migraines after it was revealed that she used a private email server to conduct official secretary of state business. Nothing classified was sent over the insecure server, she insisted, and the hype was partisan overreaction. It turns out, however, that that’s not really true.

Erin and Sara Foster, well-connected siblings and stars of VH1’s surprisingly great Barely Famous, gave Vanity Fair an irritable tour of Erin’s Beverly Hills townhouse (“It’s an apartment,” Sara corrects Erin. “I just don’t want to look like a liar when you guys come in and see that it’s clearly not a townhouse”).

A Pennsylvania cat named Opie has earned himself a parade after sustaining a bullet wound so that his human boy wouldn’t have to.

The newest ratings for Today, a show I have on most mornings because it is fine, are panicking the folks behind Good Morning America, a show I do not watch because it is bad.

Danielle Staub, who, after thirty seconds of reaching deep into the “Things I Didn’t Want To Remember” file in your brain you’ll remember as the certifiably insane woman on the Real Housewives of New Jersey, is getting married.

Derek Blasberg, the socialite that Getty Images frequently captions “actor” by accident, has been officially knighted by Graydon Carter as Vanity Fair’s “man on the street.” In a press release, Carter offered this explanation: “He seems to be everyone’s best friend.”

The Golden Girls were three widows and one divorcée who shared a home in Miami, Florida from 1985 until 1992, when the divorcée married Leslie Nielsen. But before the wedding of the decade, the girls filled seven years of social calendars with date after date—and this was decades before Tinder.

Ranch dressing is dumb. Croutons are bad mojo. Shredded cheddar cheese is offensive. A coupla barely ripe tomato wedges are a travesty. Shaved carrots are a slap in the face. Simply tossing these things atop a pile of listless iceberg does not a good salad make. This is the argument being made by Tamar Haspel at the Washington Post, who asserts that salad is an overrated fake health food that we should stop eating for the sake of ourselves, our waistlines, and our planet.