Новости за 03.01.2024

On Monday, the deadline for objections to the unsealing of names connected to the Jeffrey Epstein-Ghislaine Maxwell sex trafficking case will pass, allowing the identities of nearly 200 of Epstein’s associates to be confirmed. What do you think?

Decisions made in Maine and Colorado to strike Donald Trump from their respective state-level ballots using the Fourteenth Amendment’s insurrection clause have raised the question: Should the former president be disqualified from running again? The Onion asked Americans what they think.

This is a developing story. Please check theonion.com for more.

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DAYTON, OH—Inadvertently breaching the boundary to the underworld because he didn’t want to shell out hard-earned money, local dad Curtis Morgan reportedly opened up the gates of hell Wednesday while attempting to fix the kitchen sink himself. “Goddammit, don’t worry, I’ll take care of all this goat’s blood—I must’ve…

WASHINGTON—Looking after the White House for a couple days while the president was out of town, Vice President Kamala Harris reportedly made a few extra bucks this week house-sitting for the Bidens. “As far as side gigs go, house-sitting is easy money,” said the nation’s second-in-command, adding that it was always…

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SIOUX CITY, IA—Admitting the five days of somber reflection had been exactly what she needed to move on with her life, Apex Consulting employee Natalie Silver said Wednesday that she could barely even remember her recently deceased mom after taking the company’s one week of bereavement leave. “Gosh, I know her…

While many believe the words “child” and “marriage” should never appear next to each other, for others, child marriage is the dream. The Onion asked men to explain why age of consent laws are too strict, and this is what they said.