Новости за 05.03.2024

French legislators voted 780-72 in favor of an amendment guaranteeing women’s right to abortion access in their Constitution, becoming the first country in the world to do so. What do you think?

According to a Pentagon report, the White House pharmacy under Trump dispensed huge quantities of controlled substances like Xanax, Ambien, and Provigil, often to ineligible patients. The Onion reveals what happened when staff reportedly used copious amounts of speed, sedatives, and alcohol to deal with the stress of…

We are legally required to warn that looking directly at Americans might make you puke. However, cosmetic procedures can significantly improve the vomit-inducing physical appearance of the U.S. populace. The Onion examines the most popular plastic surgery in every state.

CLEVELAND—Saying the practice helped put the spark back in their taboo relationship, local couple Brian Tiller and Nora Vaughan told reporters Tuesday that they had been watching porn together to feel more excited about being stepsiblings. “Of course, when we started seeing each other, all it took was Brian asking,…

COLUMBUS, OH—According to a new study published Tuesday in the Journal Of Personality And Social Psychology, researchers at the Ohio State University found that people were most confident while unaware that the fly of their pants was undone. “We found a tremendously strong correlation between walking into a room with…

THE INFINITE—In a dominant electoral showing that stretched across the unified field of consciousness, author and politician Marianne Williamson successfully primaried President Biden Tuesday in all 63 counties of the Astral Plane, according to cosmic sources. “This win is sure to impact Williamson’s candidacy—not…