Новости за 21.03.2024

Alabama Gov. Kay Ivey (R) signed into law a sweeping bill that prohibits public schools and universities from maintaining or funding diversity, equity, and inclusion programs, as well as also requiring public universities to “designate restrooms on the basis of biological sex.” What do you think?

BEL AIR, CA—Marking a stark pivot in her career, Beyoncé revealed the new cover Thursday for her forthcoming country album, which features the pop star toothless and hunched over, sharing a jar of moonshine with her pet possum, Angus. “This iconic, generation-defining album cover proves Beyoncé is taking this…

PALM BEACH, FL—With time running out for the former president to secure a bond to cover the penalty in his New York civil fraud case, Donald Trump was seen Thursday frantically digging holes around Mar-a-Lago in hopes of striking $454 million in oil. “Look, all I’m asking for here is a little black gold to make that…

The Environmental Protection Agency has for the first time banned all uses of asbestos, which is linked to various forms of cancer but is still employed in some industrial processes. The Onion explores the pros and cons of banning the controversial material.

Former President Trump currently faces 91 felony counts in courts from Georgia and Florida to New York and Washington, D.C. Test your knowledge of the current Republican presidential candidate’s ongoing criminal and civil cases with this quiz.

WASHINGTON—Warning the American public about the powerful stench, a watchdog report released this week confirmed that a weird smell was coming from Arizona. “Several corroborated accounts from Sun Belt sources close to the state indicate there is a decidedly off smell emanating from Arizona,” the report read in part,…

NAPERVILLE, IL—Working quickly and efficiently after the roast beef sandwich he’d been eating unexpectedly began to leak juices from the back, local man Dave Brauer reportedly rushed to strategically hold his dripping food over other food Thursday. “Oh shit, that’s not good,” said Brauer, who, with a mouth full of…

LYNCHBURG, TN—Saying the spirit had been blended with construction workers, farmers, and airline pilots in mind, distiller Jack Daniel’s unveiled a new whiskey Thursday designed to be consumed while operating heavy machinery. “Whether it’s a forklift, dump truck, or crane, nothing lightens the load of handling large…

DAYTON, OH—While greeting the crowd at a campaign rally Thursday, former President Donald Trump was seen kissing a supporter’s burger, according to sources in attendance. “Well, who’s this juicy little guy?” asked the GOP presidential candidate, who then reportedly lifted up the fully loaded flame-broiled beef…

Marion Island off the coast of South Africa has been overrun by mice that have begun to eat seabirds and other endangered wildlife, prompting conservationists to launch the Mouse-Free Marion project, which will drop rodent poison from helicopters to completely eradicate them. What do you think?