Новости за 15.03.2024

Kamala Harris toured a Planned Parenthood that offers abortion services, the first vice president to do so, where she delivered a speech defending reproductive rights. What do you think?

VATICAN CITY—In an effort to make the church feel fresh and exciting again for youths around the world, the Roman Catholic Church announced Friday that it had added belief in a badass deity with a robotic falcon head to its existing dogmas. “Starting today, the church will officially recognize our newest god,…

LONDON—In a scandal of historic proportions that forced the royal family to issue an apology to those upset by the image, Buckingham Palace came under fire Friday for not altering a photograph of King Charles III enough before releasing it to the public. “Under close inspection, it appears the grotesque face of…

WASHINGTON—Her mind spinning as she poured over the sheaf of papers, Vice President Kamala Harris reportedly discovered classified documents Friday revealing that she is an android created by the DNC. “Wha—no, it can’t be,” said Harris, whose mouth hung open in shock, too horrified to scream after accidentally…

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Mystery continues to swirl around the Princess of Wales, who has remained out of the public eye since December. The following is a complete timeline of Kate Middleton’s disappearance.

President Joe Biden recently came under fire for a gaffe he made during his State of the Union speech when he referred to an undocumented immigrant as an “illegal.” The Onion presents the pros and cons of referring to immigrants with this incendiary and dehumanizing term.

KOHLER, WI—After the product reportedly tested well in focus groups throughout the United States, plumbing-fixture manufacturer Kohler unveiled a powerful new toilet Thursday that, according to marketing materials, is capable of flushing a handgun. “We built our GlockSense smart toilet with enhanced features that…

The Jets quarterback has recently faced backlash for controversial remarks on the 9/11 terror attacks, Covid vaccines, and the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. The Onion asked football fans what they thought about Aaron Rodgers spreading conspiracy theories, and this is what they said.

After 25 years, the Philadelphia Phillies are ending $1 hot dog night after fans took to hurling the concessions onto the field last year. What do you think?

PHILADELPHIA—In a new study published Friday in the latest issue of the International Journal Of Sexual Health, researchers found that among the human population, sexual satisfaction ranked highest among nerds covered in lipstick marks with their glasses askew. “This phenomenon appears across the globe and in all…