Новости за 13.02.2024

Claiming that the ad was created “without any involvement or approval from my campaign” Robert F. Kennedy Jr. apologized to his family for any pain caused by his Super Bowl ad that used JFK’s campaign song and inserted RFK into 1960s imagery, despite keeping the ad pinned to the top of his X page. What do you think?

If you’re an alpha male, you may be wondering how to sweep your woman off her feet without appearing soft and feminine. Here’s how to dominate your Valentine’s Day without turning into a simping beta.

DENVER—Cornered by the unreserved woman with nowhere to run, local 29-year-old Christine Lopez was reportedly terrified Tuesday after a friend of a friend had asked her point-blank what brand of vibrator she used. “So are you into clitoral stimulation, or what?” said the woman, whose name was unknown to Lopez, as the…

CHICAGO—Failing to use the appropriate level of discretion, local man Keith Makarewicz took a second too long to adjust his balls, sources reported Tuesday. “Look, there’s nothing wrong with moving your testicles into a more comfortable position, we get that, but you have to be in and out,” said one eyewitness, who…

LONDON—Proclaiming a new era of unstoppable proliferation across the United Kingdom, a bloody, cancerous polyp addressed the British public from Buckingham Palace on Tuesday and informed them that he was their new king. “Bow down before me, subjects, for I have dethroned your once-mighty monarch,” said His Majesty…

FALMOUTH, ME—Saying the residence evoked far too many painful memories to be left standing, Maine authorities confirmed Tuesday they had demolished the house at 231 Pinelock Lane that was once the site of a horrific marriage. “When that terrible marriage first struck this town, it was like a nightmare come to…

CLEVELAND—Responding to an email thread that included the senior staff on multiple org charts at both Intrepid Solutions and Mayflower Global, sources who once had self-respect reported Tuesday that it was nice to e-meet you. “Danielle, so glad we could virtually connect with your team on this and looking forward to…