Новости за 22.02.2024

Beyoncé’s debut country song ‘Texas Hold ‘Em’ reached No. 1 on Billboard’s Hot Country Songs chart, making her only the second woman to do so as a solo artist and the first Black female artist to hold the top spot. What do you think?

WASHINGTON—As part of an effort to ensure the benefits were only allocated to those in “true need,” a new federal law went into effect Thursday requiring all Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program recipients to balance food on their nose until they receive the command to eat it. “There’s no reason why working-age,…

The Supreme Court of Alabama, a state which already does not allow for abortion under any circumstances, recently ruled that frozen embryos in test tubes are considered children, a decision that has made the process of in vitro fertilization possibly illegal in the state and has caused some practices to stop offering…

Debate among scientists has risen in recent years about whether we live in a simulation, but what does that even mean, and what would be the consequences if we did? The Onion answers common questions about whether we live in a simulation.

Microplastics were recently found in human blood for the first time, leading to questions about what they are and how they could affect people’s health. The Onion answers common questions about microplastics.

PARK CITY, UT—Noting that she did not want her parents’ fame to distract from her Sundance premiere, industry sources confirmed Thursday that emerging filmmaker Malia Obama had changed her surname to ‘Scorsese.’ “Although her legal name is still Obama, Malia is officially promoting her short film The Heart under the…

Despite both the Supreme Court and the Biden administration ordering the removal of razor wire along the U.S.-Mexico border, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott has pledged to continue installing it. The Onion asked Texans why they support the controversial deterrent, and this is what they said.

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KENT, WA—After seven years of what it described as painstaking research and development, Blue Origin unveiled Thursday an $8 billion barrel it had built for Jeff Bezos to ride over Niagara Falls. “Ever since Mr. Bezos was a boy, he has dreamt about soaring 188 feet down through the air in a barrel, and we’re proud to…

In order to procure wealth, success, and fame, many celebrities choose to commit the ultimate sin and sell their soul to the devil. The Onion regrets to inform its readers that the following members of the Hollywood elite are secretly being controlled by Satan.

A man in Deschutes County, OR is being treated for a strain of the bubonic plague that he contracted from his pet cat, which succumbed to the disease after hunting rats in an area where the ailment is endemic to the rodent population. What do you think?

CHICAGO—In what many described as the ghostly remnants of an internet that died long ago, a tattered banner ad was reportedly all that remained Thursday hanging over long-abandoned website MovieFacts.com. “It’s just so sad, in its heyday, this website used to be a bustling e-commerce hub that people would visit from…

ANAHEIM, CA—Hearing a sigh as the car turned into the crowded parking lot of the Australian-themed chain restaurant, sources confirmed Thursday that local mom Dana Oliver only liked the other Outback Steakhouse, the one over by the Starbucks. “I just don’t see why we can’t drive the extra 10 minutes to the one in…

WASHINGTON—Clapping with delight while attempting to catch the thin, floating film of cleaning liquid, President Joe Biden chased a soap bubble across the nation Thursday, Beltway sources confirmed. “Come back, Mr. Bubble!” said the commander in chief, who reportedly gave chase to the bubble after spotting it…

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