Новости за 14.02.2024

People across America are exchanging candy and flowers with their sweethearts for Valentine’s Day, but each individual has their own preferred way to show their partner they care. How are you celebrating Valentines’ Day?

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The report by special counsel Robert Hur that describes Joe Biden as an “elderly man with a poor memory” has renewed debate about the president’s capacity to carry out a second term. But how bad is his memory compared to that of the average American? Take the quiz below to compare your answers to questions recently…

SALT LAKE CITY—Pausing their boisterous conversation to greet some new faces, the nation’s hairy men in hot tubs confirmed Wednesday there was plenty of room for one more if anybody else wanted in on the fun. “Don’t be shy, we can all squeeze in here,” a man completely covered in hair and sweat said on behalf of the…

SAGINAW, MI—Clutching her son and strategically pointing him outward at all who dared challenge her, local mother Cara Gershwin wielded her coughing baby like a weapon Wednesday and aimed him at her enemy. According to sources, Gershwin had been spotted pacing around slowly with her baby, making direct eye contact…

In an effort to appeal to younger voters, the Joe Biden campaign unveiled its first TikTok post during the Super Bowl on Sunday, captioned “lol hey guys” and poking fun at conservative conspiracy theories about the NFL rigging the season. What do you think?

NEW YORK—Conspicuously holding up her wrist for everyone in the bar to see, local woman Liz Galdames reportedly flashed her friendship bracelet Wednesday evening in order to repel anyone seeking platonic companionship. “Sorry, buddy, I already have a pal,” Galdames told the disappointed man who had approached her with…

NORCROSS, GA—Choking on the lacy fabric he had expected to find delicious, local man David Garay reportedly took two bites of a pair of panties Wednesday before realizing they weren’t edible. “Wait, what the hell? This isn’t tasty at all!” said a grimacing Garay, who spit out shreds of a woman’s undergarment after…