Новости за 19.02.2024

Red-pilled individuals claim they have awakened to the truth that no-fault divorce, spousal support, custody laws, and many other things associated with marriage are biased against men. The Onion asked red-pilled Americans to explain why men should never get married, and this is what they said.

NEW YORK—In a breakthrough study with a stark prediction about present meteorological trends, a team of scientists at Columbia University warned Monday that the sky was rapidly running out of the good puffy clouds. “Based on the current trajectory, we expect that big fluffy clouds will be entirely gone from the…

PALM BEACH, FL—Closing his eyes and letting his mind wander, former President Donald Trump was reportedly daydreaming Monday about what he would do if he were rich. “Can you imagine never having to worry about money ever again?” said Trump, who smiled as he slipped into the ideal imaginary world in which he could…

WASHINGTON—Ignoring his better judgment so as not to be called a chicken, President Joe Biden reportedly fell through a sheet of ice and plunged into dangerously cold water Monday after his buddies dared him to walk on the frozen Capitol Reflecting Pool. Sources confirmed the commander-in-chief’s chums had bet him $5…

CHICAGO—Pulling back the covers to reveal a two-inch splotch in the middle of his bed, local man Dave Reardon reportedly treated his date, Sandra McAllister, to an amusing anecdote behind the stain on his sheets Monday. “It’s not what you think—it’s actually a pretty funny story,” the fully nude 32-year-old said…

Read more...

THE HEAVENS—Claiming that love had made Him do crazy things, the Lord God Almighty admitted Monday that sending the Great Flood to destroy the evil He beheld upon the earth was just a misguided attempt to impress Jodie Foster. “Truth be told, I convinced Myself that if I sent mighty torrents of water to cleanse the…

In an interview with Russian state television, Vladimir Putin claimed he would prefer that Joe Biden be reelected over Donald Trump, stating: “Biden, he’s more experienced, more predictable. He’s a politician of the old formation.” What do you think?