Новости за 26.02.2024

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OSLO, NORWAY—Not wanting reports of the happy, healthy lives of its citizens to demoralize people living outside the Scandinavian nation, Norway announced Monday that it would start hiding its standard of living to make other countries feel better about themselves. “In an effort to not lord it over the rest of the…

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It’s no secret that school textbooks don’t cover the whole of American history, and that important facts about this great nation are often omitted to serve a narrative. In the name of keeping truth alive, The Onion presents these real accounts from American history that the “woke” left doesn’t want you to know.

WASHINGTON—Stating that “something is always better than nothing,” the Internal Revenue Service announced Monday that starting your taxes was good enough. “Just get your name on there, maybe your birth date, that’s all we really care about,” said IRS commissioner Daniel Werfel, who shrugged his shoulders and admitted…

WASHINGTON—Telling Americans that they must act now to avoid losing out on the chance of a lifetime, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas announced at a press conference Monday a 50% discount on all favorable rulings. “Today and today only, I’m offering half off on tilting any jurisprudence in your favor—all…

NASA put out an open call for applications to take part in a simulated Mars mission in which a four-person crew will live and work for a full year inside the 1,700-square-foot Mars Dune Alpha habitat at NASA’s Johnson Space Center. What do you think?

WASHINGTON—Providing a striking insight into the beliefs of likely voters in the lead-up to the 2024 election, a poll released Monday by the Pew Research Center found that only 19% of Americans believed the country was ready for a competent president. “Our nation has come a long way, but if you put someone with…